Missing My Son

Yesterday at church, I was having a hard time. Very emotional. I have been struggling with my emotions about Rhett for a while. Keeping busy so I wouldn't let myself think about him. This last week, we were called by AZPC letting us know that our son went AWOL. They didn't have many details, but they just knew that he and another cadet had planned this for a while and got into a car and left. There wasn't much we could do, they had already called the sheriff and all we could do was wait. They called about and hour and a half later stating that he had returned. We never heard any more from them. I asked Wyatt several times if we should call and he told me just to let them do their job.

Since then, I have been thinking so much about him. I want to march right down there and talk to my son. To find out why he risked everything for just an hour of fun. I just don't know what has happened to him lately. He was such a sweet, gentle soul. Out of all my kids, he always told me he loved me most often. He would always rub on the back of my arm and be so loving. I can't put my finger on when he changed, just that it was so gradual that I didn't realize what was happening. I tried to get him as much help as possible before he went to AZPC. My mom is bipolar and it runs rampant in my family. I have several cousins that suffer with the disease. Why did it have to happen to Rhett?

My childhood was robbed of happiness because of this horrible disease and now I have to watch my own child suffer with it. It will not leave me alone. I am tormented by it. I have nightmares about it, dark feelings that creep in once in a while from my childhood are now my present reality. My heart anguishes wondering if I am doing all I can to help my child cope with this disease. What more can I do now?

We went to a YM/YW Standards Night where my three girls participated. Tears flowed as I saw an empty space where my son should have been. I am hurting. I am empty. I must turn to the Savior. He is the only one who can ever say, "I know how you feel." Only He can heal my heart.