My Enemy Has Returned

I have a enemy that comes into my life every so often. I don't enjoy his visits, in fact, I try to avoid them at all costs. He always seems to come in the wee hours of the morning when I have no control over him and awakens me with a jolt. He stands above me and crushes my chest until it feels like I can't breathe. He squeezes my heart so hard that it struggles to beat. My whole torso burns, not a good burning but a terrible, painful sensation that makes me cry out to my Heavenly Father to take it away.

My enemy's name is anguish.

Usually, I can avoid him. I stay busy. When thoughts come, I push them out by thinking of something else. I go numb. Whatever it takes to avoid anguish. But he always knows when to catch me off guard, when I'm vulnerable. When I hear about a bombing near my soldier, or get news that one of his soldier friends died.

My soldier sent an email describing how he was happy that his friend's family will actually have a body to bury because most soldiers aren't that lucky.

He describes a place a world away that is so horrible that would make a soldier go into the chaplain with a grenade and tell him that he can't go on anymore.

Yes, these thoughts enter into my mind and while I'm not on guard in the middle of the night, they seep out and anguish is right there ready to crush me. All I can do is pray and wait, wait for anguish to finish his internal mayhem to my soul. Then after he leaves, I sleep.