Today is My Dad's Birthday

I am a nurse, by choice, I think. Many people come to me for medical advice and medical explanations. Today was no different, but what happened took me even by surprise.

A coworker came up to me and was asking how long it would take for someone who was pronounced “brain dead” and taken off all life support to actually die. I explained that the body is so amazing using every resource it can muster to live. Without water, the body will find every last molecule of water in the body to live, until it finally shrivels every single cell. It is actually a very wondrous, miraculous thing, but also very hard to watch especially if the person lying in the bed is your father.

As I was explaining the physiology of this to my coworker, my mind was flooded with images of my dad, depleting, dying, suffering. I wrapped up my explanation by letting them know, it would probably take about 3 to 4 days.

I went into the bathroom and I couldn’t breathe. My chest felt heavy, I cried. I didn’t realize that those feelings are still deep down inside me and come out at the most unexpected times. It was almost cleansing to feel that hurt and I think I have learned very well to stifle it, ignore it, push it further down. Oh, how I miss him. Oh, how much I must love him if it still hurts this bad.

I am truly blessed with the knowledge that I will see him again someday. That life extends beyond this mortal realm and that he will forever be my dad. That some day, his spirit will once again reunite with his body and be immortal and glorious…but still my dad!