And Then May We Stand Still

Last Fast Sunday, my heart was pounding and I knew that I needed to get up. I can fight the Spirit better than anyone (I am surprised that He still prompts me to do things). So I waited. As I was pondering what I wanted to say, the scripture came to my mind in 3 John 1:4 “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” I am here to testify that while that scripture is completely true, this other truth I can testify of, that there is no greater sorrow than to hear that they don’t. As I began to reflect, another thought came to my mind, “Don’t you know, I’ve had a hard time” (from a conference talk by Elder Cook). Sometimes I want to wear a sign around my neck that says, “Don’t judge me, because I’VE HAD A HARD TIME!”

My heart continued to pound. The thought came to my mind, “I am leaving time wide open for you to get up” (I’m talking only about 6 people came up for the entire time). There were great lengths of time in between testimonies and I kept pushing away the prompting thinking, “I have nothing positive to say” or “I’d hate to get up there and say something negative that might offend” or “Nobody needs to hear what I have to say.” As the time continued to slowly tick by, another thought came to my mind that I wasn’t the only one hurting. I could feel the pain in the room. Others were probably feeling the exact same way as I was.

A couple of days later, I had a visiting teaching appointment to go to. Of course, I have been “having a hard time” for a while now and have a bad attitude about serving, but pulled myself together to go. I have known the sister that we visit for many years and she has been through so many trials, infidelity of her husband and subsequent divorce, death of a child and now her most recent trial of a daughter who is currently in drug rehab. When you walk into her house it is like walking into the temple. You can feel the Spirit in that house. As she told us her most recent trials, I told her about what I felt on Sunday and let her know that as I was searching the congregation for the next person to get up, my eyes were drawn to her and I felt her pain, along with so many others in our ward. She told me that she has been having a hard time, too, but with that, she bore her testimony to me and quoted a scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 123:16-17, “You know….that a very large ship is benefited very much by a very small helm in the time of a storm, by being kept workways with the wind and the waves. Therefore….let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God…”

She also told me that the best thing I can do for my children is to attend the temple. She testified (as she is a temple worker) that the temple is a place of healing. My heart felt lightened. I felt renewed, knowing that I wasn’t alone and if she could be so happy in the middle of her trials, then I can, too.